stormy--'s Diaryland Diary

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Day 7, 8, 9 ... Oh, forget it.

Well, it happened.

My goal of writing something here every day for a month failed. It's sad because I didn't even last a week.

Not to make excuses but I haven't been feeling great. Not a cough-cough type of not feeling great. More like a mental one. My anxiety has been sky high. I've been having panic attacks. And I've been feeling ... mentally exhausted is the only way I can think to adequately describe it.

It's not everything that's going on in the world right now that's making me feel this way. It's my life too. Or, rather, my lack of a life.

I'm not going to go into details. I just can't find the energy to do so. But I will say that I was laying in bed right now, staring at my ceiling, and cursing my pledge not to turn on my air conditioning until the temps have reached 87 degrees minimum. It reached 82 today and the humidity is such that one feels like they're swimming in it. But no air for me. Nope. Besides, it's not even June yet! But, once again, I digress.

Staring at my ceiling while my fan moved around the hot and humid air, I just kept thinking about my life. It's kind of sad really. I'm ... well, the age that I am (let's just say I'm not a fresh faced adolescent but by no means do I have one foot in my grave. I rest comfortably in the middle - the bottom middle - thank you very much!) and yet I've still at the exact same spot I've been for all of my life. I don't mean that physically. I'm talking metaphorically here.

The sad part is that even though I'm metaphorically in the exact same spot I've always been, I'm completely and totally lost.

How's that for irony?

Well, I'm no mood to type here. I'm also still in no mood to lay back down in bed. I don't know. Maybe I'll go sit for a bit on my front porch. There are some people who live around me that are putting off some fireworks. No grand light displays but simply just boom-booms. I guess they confused Memorial Day (which is tomorrow) for the 4th of July.

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9:52 p.m. - 2020-05-24

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